[27 February 2004|05:58pm] new livejournal; ____quixotic add it if you want. 3 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[25 February 2004|10:38pm] [ mood | blah ] [ music | rachels ] today was eh. school was long and i kept dozing off all day. i went for a really long walk today. i paid six dollars for one roll of film. it was really nice out. i went to the beach. yeah. i dont use this thing like i should. most of the time i dont write what i think and feel. just some of what i do. i dont even know why i keep this thing. i have a new screen name! xRadarMaker. so talk to me. i need real conversation. mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[24 February 2004|05:25pm] [ mood | i dont know ] [ music | sigur ros ] i havent updated in a week. im in a terrible rut. i almost cried several times in school today. is it too much to ask that i be treated with the same kindness and consideration that i show others? even just standard fucking respect would be nice. im such a good person and i get nothing in return for it. i seriously dont see why i bother -- i guess because i dont try to be nice, i just am that way. i have so much horrible shit on my mind, and all i want is someone to talk to about it. i need to connect with someone. but no one cares. and no one has the same interests as me. and im not comfortable with most people. and i finally took a chance and it fucking blew up in my face. and now im crying. on friday i had an epiphany. i was happy. i re-decided that life was beautiful and wonderful. i felt so great and optimistic. and now im shit. sometimes when i listen to shelley or steph or laura or anyone talk i think to myself "this person is so beautiful. im glad that i know them." and i wonder if anyone ever thinks that about me. or if they ever have. or ever will. doubt it. today eric eicher[sp?] visited me at work. he said "i just thought id stop by and say hi. how are you? okay, well see you later." that made me smile and get teary-eyed at the same time. because he is normally a jerk. and he knows it. and hes a freshman in high school, and i wonder what his life will be like. i dont know. is it fucked up that the fact that a cereal called "SMORZ" exists, depresses me? miss stephany langevin is on her way over here. she is sick. but she is coming anyway. i love her. we are going to go to the beach and talk. i smell like coffee and developing chemicals. heh. speaking of which, my lomo came today. i was excited about that. 5 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[17 February 2004|05:40pm] [ mood | my body hurts ] [ music | azure ray ] i am so bored. ive hardly left my house at all this week. im still sick, this is getting really old. tomorrow i plan to be productive. i will go downtown and hopefully buy a flash for my camera and a late birthday gift for mom. then i am hanging out with stephany! i miss her. i also miss ben labadie a lot! and laura perry-platine (but i am going to her house momentarily!) and i miss the old dale campopiano, who loved me and wasnt a dick. and i miss steve even though its been one day since ive seen him. i went to the doctors today. apparently ive shrunk, because i definitely used to be 5'6" but now i am 5'5.5" sigh. i have a lot of shit on my mind right now. i dont feel like typing it out. i am going to go to lauras now. ps - on the way home from the doctors office, i was browsing through the radio stations and hey ya came on. my mom shouted "i love this song!" and started to dance like crazy. yeah, my mom is amazing. 7 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[16 February 2004|08:16pm] [ mood | thoughtful ] [ music | mogwai ] so far vacation has been crappy. last night was perfect though, so its all good. :) today is my moms birthday. mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[14 February 2004|05:53pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | bjork ] yeah so today is valentines day. im pretty neutral about the whole concept. sure, its kind of lame that today is dedicated to "love" but really its just an excuse to give and receive gifts, which really has nothing to do with love at all. but i can see how it could be enjoyable for people who have someone to share it with. i also think its pretty ridiculous when people get all worked up and overly annoyed about valentines day. just because youre single doesnt mean today is any reason to be sadder. there are far worse things than being single. but if anything, be upset that youre lonely, instead of being bitter towards people who arent. i dont know. ive never had a valentine and i really dont care. im still kind of sick. it sucks. im hoping shelley will call when she gets off work and we can hang out. thats all. 5 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[11 February 2004|06:10pm] [ mood | sick ] [ music | the postal service ] today was pretty much hell. school makes me absolutely miserable. mr.bisbee makes me want to shoot myself. people who mouth off to teachers for no reason are lame. girls who smoke in the bathrooms are morons. i sincerely hope that they all get lots and lots of emphysema. im getting sick, which i really love because its just in time for vacation. anyway, shelley was absent again today. i made her a card yesterday. after school i walked to her house and brought it to her. she liked it even though it was drawn on the back of a starboard galley menu. i stayed at her house for a little bit then walked home. i think i am going to take a nap. this is a pointless entry, but i havent updated in about a week. [ps - my dad was just watching the news, and they were showing coverage of the conference thing, and there was a little girl chanting against gay marriage. yeah, she was definitely about six years old. wtf?] 3 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[03 February 2004|02:47pm] high school is killing me. 2 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[31 January 2004|11:50pm] [ mood | mad/depressed/fat/broke/cold ] [ music | yo la tengo ] today was one of the worst days ive had in a while. it was such a waste of time and money that i really didnt have in the first place. i could have done so many more fun and productive things. people are lame. yeah so ive decided im tired of always being the one to initiate things or put forth all the effort to stay close to people. i get shit in return and im fucking sick of it. im a good kid, and if people dont want to hold up their end of a relationship then fuck them. [if you think this is directed at you, it probably isnt] 6 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[31 January 2004|12:24am] [ mood | okay ] [ music | tv ] the locust/dillinger show was excellent. hung out in boston for a few hours with steve! i really dont have the energy to spend ten hours in boston tomorrow plus two hours on the train, but it will be good to hang out with people. mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[26 January 2004|11:39pm] [ mood | headache ] [ music | futurama ] this weekend was pretty uneventful, but overall it was okay. on friday i didnt do much. mom and i went to the bank and i got an atm card. then i just watched movies and hung around the house all night. i slept for 14 hours. saturday i hung out with shelley, sean, and phil. sunday i spent three hours cleaning my room, i was proud of myself. today there was no school. i went downtown with laura then we went to her house and watched return to oz. i have the best mom ever. she doesnt care if i skip school. the whole making my own decisions thing is pretty cool. also, on our way downtown, she was telling me how the lights in her car blink and they arent supposed to. and i said that sucks, because there is always something wrong with her car and she said "yeah i know. its going to cost me a lot of bling bling to fix the blink blink in my car." haha shes the biggest dork in the world. 4 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[23 January 2004|12:18pm] [ mood | bored ] [ music | atmosphere ] so, i dont have school or work until tuesday, and i have absolutely no plans. 1 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[22 January 2004|11:16pm] [ mood | eh ] [ music | kite flying society ] if you want to drive me to the locust show next thursday, nobodys stopping you. in fact, i would probably fall in love with you. anyway, today was a pretty crappy day. 3 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[17 January 2004|08:11pm] [ mood | okay ] [ music | shelley ] today i went into boston and met up with mike. um, cutest boy ever!?! yeah, i think so. we didnt do much, but that was okay. i was really shy though, but he wasnt a jerk about it so that was appreciated. i just hope he doesnt think that i was trying to be a jerk, or that i didnt enjoy myself, because that wasnt the case at all. hm. i wish i could just be my regular goofy, funny self all the time and skip the nervous/shy shit. anywayyyy, shelley is here. shes being funny. we are going to have a good time this evening. 2 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

[13 January 2004|11:41pm] [ mood | pathetic ] [ music | a silver mt.zion ] i really hate the internet with a burning passion. so i am establishing the following goals for myself: take more pictures buy a new digital camera read more use my sewing machine! beat kingdom hearts. haha. walk more lose weight/get in shape/whatever keep my room clean redecorate my room? find pants that fit buy clothes in general buy more cds work more find another source of income make plans with people take driving lessons take piano lessons! do my homework. maybe. start a paper journal save more money make things go to boston more often seeing as i am an internet addict, and i have yet to put the above goals into action, i am on AIM, and you are allowed to talk to me: liexwithxme thats all for now. 2 |mothership, mothership, do you read me?

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